The idea of dealing with a toxic relationship sounds draining, right? What if we told you that toxic relationships are not as bad as people make them out to be? Sound confusing? Keep reading to see why.
What is a Toxic Relationship?
In short, toxic people hurt one another. There is a lack of support and conflict can be perpetuated through manipulation, control and low self-esteem.
The word toxic is the umbrella that every single relationship flaw lies under.
For instance, infidelity is toxic, abuse of any kind is toxic, your partner manipulating you is toxic and dishonesty, arrogance and control are all considered toxic qualities.
So, although toxic relationships are damaging, it is the negative attributes themselves that often lead many towards sabotaging something worthwhile.
In other words. we have found that couples unwillingly sabotage relationships because they are not aware of how to deal with toxicity.
For instance, nagging can be seen as something cute or troublesome.
Therefore. we organised a test to help you identify toxicity followed by some helpful solutions.
The key aspect to look out for is how a toxic relationship changes you,
The Toxic Relationship Test
Review these pointers to see if you can relate to them, and if you find that you are with someone toxic, don’t worry, we promise that we can help you!
1. Toxic communication
My partner tolerates hearing my point of view as long as I don’t trigger her/him to get upset.
2. My partner expects me to read his/her mind
She/he expects me to know what she/he wants without anything expressed.
3. The blame game
For instance: A guy blames his girlfriend for losing her keys saying something like:
“if you were more attentive that would have never have happened”
However, he blames her when he loses keys also saying something like:
“You always rush me”
My partner seems to push all the wrong buttons until I explode.
He is the only one that can bring the devil out in me, and I don’t feel like the real “me”.
5. Toxic financial behaviour
My partner is terrible at paying the bills and I’m tired of being on top of him/her.
I always hear excuses or lies.
When I need comfort or understanding, my partner often acts cold.
7. Split personality
My partner makes me tiptoe through the type of person he/she decides to be for the day.
I never know whether I am going to meet the charming side, the withdrawn, cold, or the mean side.
8. She/He makes me doubt myself
My partner often tells me what I want to hear, so I can’t tell if he/she is being honest, which often leaves me in doubt.
9. Controlling behaviour
Right at the point where I get fed up and I feel that I can’t take it anymore, my partner turns into the sweetest person causing me to doubt everything or take the blame for our toxic relationship.
10. Patterns of disrespect
For instance, whenever we have a disagreement, our family and friends make him out to be the good guy, making me feel as though I am the difficult one.
Furthermore, he jokes about my flaws in a way that makes everyone laugh except me.
So, did you identify with a few?
Here is the catch, our first lesson is that having a few of these defects doesn’t mean that the relationship is toxic, let us explain.
Using number 3 as an example, if we were to confront him about the keys incident, he might defend himself with something like:
I’m not the toxic one, she always rushes me because she wakes up late, and then empties her purse with 100 items to demonstrate how disorganised she is”
So, our point concerning relationship toxicity is that it takes 2
For instance, a manipulator can only manipulate someone that’ll allow him to manipulate.
So, even if you are dealing with narcissism, manipulation, passive-aggressive behaviour, stress, violence, abuse and psychotic episodes, it takes 2!
So first off, let us begin by saying congratulations!
If you’ve read this far, you have taken the first step which is acknowledging that there is a problem.
We promise that by the close of this article you will see toxic relationships in a new light.
Furthermore, as with any problem, there is a solution, so let’s get to it!
A certain level of toxicity is normal
We’d like to point out that every relationship has a certain level of toxicity within it.
For instance, we all argue right?
However, the difference is that a toxic relationship will go to blows over issues worth discussing calmly or giving it a bit of time to workout the problem.
So, we would like to address that what makes a person toxic is the level of damage that is caused.
For instance, I’m sure anyone reading this wouldn’t mind a few toxic flaws from a partner over a drug addict or alcoholic, right?
A toxic relationship that involves harassment or domestic violence makes any dull-headed guy who can’t pay the bills look quite charming, right?
So perspective needs to play a big part to achieve a relative balance within any relationship.
Therefore, examining the entire spectrum of toxic relationships will help us see whether an apparently toxic issue is worth overlooking, or maybe not as bad as we might believe once we have analysed the issue.
Dealing With Toxic Relationships
The first idea is to turn whatever is toxic, into non-toxic.
For example, using # 3 from the list: would you agree with us if we advise the guy who chewed his girl up over losing her keys to chill out?
Alternatively, we would address her also, because in fairness she might make him nervous which is why he lost his keys.
Our Point: Addressing both sides is the ultimate solution.
Now let’s review a solution for # 5 Toxic financial behaviour:
Wouldn’t the ultimate solution for a financially irresponsible guy be to hand over financial power to his mate?
After all, if she has to remind him, and all he does is lie, then why not ask her to deal with the finances?
Alternatively, how about managing finances through auto payments?
Through solutions like these, the pain and frustrations of dealing with a guy who can’t handle finances are immediately settled through technology.
Relationships can be toxic in themselves
Have you ever noticed that there is always a crazy one in a couple?
For instance, he drinks, but she doesn’t, she is a shopping addict, and he is not, etc.
With this type of balance, there is hope because there is always a more sensible one.
Alternatively, if both are toxic the relationship won’t last long.
For instance, If a guy who is terrible at handling finances refuses to allow his mate to handle the finances as the solution, then that relationship will persist in turmoil.
We don’t want that, we need balance.
Here are some straightforward solutions
Let’s give you an example of this by looking at solutions for #10 patterns of disrespect.
My partner always jokes about me in front of people.
- Solution #1 “I know he does it to seek attention.”
- Solution #2 ”What he says doesn’t phase me, so eventually, he stops.”
You will see Solution #2 is a lifesaver, why?
….because it’s usually when he sees you ticked off that he continues.
Listen carefully: Most of these toxic flaws come from one’s issues of low self-worth, abandonment, attention-seeking, low self-esteem, etc.
Furthermore, it’s a fact that a person with integrity, high esteem, confidence, and morality would never utter negativity because it’s not in them to do so!
Therefore, we offer you this trick!
When around friends, be prepared to boost your partner’s ego.
Why does this work?
Because you are giving your partner something he/she doesn’t have, which is esteem!
Please try this fact: during a moment where your partner is about to say something negative, interrupt him or her with:
“ You are such a great boyfriend” or with a compliment.
This technique will throw him/her off, they won’t be able to continue, because you fed their ego, it works every time!
Now, this may sound like a technique that makes it look as though you are sucking up to him/her, but what’s worse?
Quickly telling him something nice, or dealing with his low esteem as he negatively jokes on your behalf?
There is always a spiritual solution!
Our ultimate tip: when a toxic person sees that they can’t achieve satisfaction from their actions they usually stop.
Next, is a technique that’ll help you to make a mental shift to deal with toxic people better.
Technique: We are not meant to be equal
We reviewed an article that stated that a healthy relationship ought to share equal power.
We think that sounds sweet, however, it’s not true.
Please listen carefully, the root of so much trouble comes from the false understanding that people are equal, and if not equal supposed to be, or should achieve equality.
The idea of equality leads people to place false assumptions upon one another rather than understanding that people are different.
When this happens, conflict takes place and we hear phrases like this:
- You should of….
- If you had done that, then….
- Next time don’t be so….
- Why didn’t you just….
- It’s so obvious….
- Even a blind person would have….
- You are a total idiot…
We are all individuals. Our personalities are all distinct, and so how people relate and respond to things are not the same.
If we are able to see that everyone around us is flawed, then we have a better shot at dealing with toxic people.
With this in mind, if we try to change a person’s behaviour when we know that deep down this is how they really are, the act of trying to change them will be toxic in itself because we are trying to fix them, get it?
It’s a cliche but “never try to change anyone”
Now, let’s flip it, you chose a jealous, resentful, dishonest, controlling drinker, so what was it that made you fall for him, his uniform?
How many times have we heard a partner defensively say:
“I was like this when you met me”
So, allow us to point out that we are not equal and the proof is right in front of your eyes.
** special note: we are not talking about abusive relationships here, if you are in an abusive relationship or you are living with an alcoholic, etc we advise you to get professional help **
Deal with the situation by making small changes
What we mean by changes is finding ways to adapt or as we discussed through working out solutions.
Let’s take a look at some more examples from the list and try to tackle each situation positively.
– Lack of support
Our Solution: although we need to guess about the kind of support you might be lacking, do you actually need any support?
If we turn to the definition of confidence and having high esteem, do you need support there?
When it comes to confidence and high self-worth, your main aim is to be an achiever, responsible, etc.
Arnold Schwarzenegger often talks about the lack of support he received from his family and friends.
He was laughed at because of his accent and was laughed at by Hollywood for his desire to become an actor.
Schwarzenegger becoming the highest-paid actor and Governor of California speaks volumes about his strength, ambition and self confidence,
The point here, is that sometimes, when it’s difficult to get support from family, friends and your partner, this leaves us with 2 alternatives:
Thrive on your own like Arnold and find that support and self confidence from within, or depend on the support of your partner which if it is lacking now, could run thin.
We hope you have chosen to thrive on your own and find that inner self confidence from within.
– Toxic communication
We’ve seen couples argue so much to the point that neither of them could tell us where the problem started.
We see arguing as a goal to reach an intellectual conclusion, which usually ends up meaning nothing.
Our Solution: if verbal communication causes trouble, how about trying non-verbal communication?
Non-verbal communication is a technique where you listen and act.
For example: your dog was naughty, and when he was yelled at, he tucked his tail and walked away, but shorty came back wagging his tail and licking you, correct?
The dog conveys our solution which is to not to feed into the verbiage which will create everything that you don’t want.
Verbalizing means, stressing a point, trying to school, scold, etc which feeds the problem.
We have seen couples patch things up through non-verbal communication and to say it bluntly. they patched things up because they’ve finally managed to shut the fuck up.
Furthermore, if communication has been a problem for decades upon decades, and doesn’t seem to work, then looking into non-verbal communication could be a lifesaver.
This is tough as the problem often runs within your partner’s history.
However, questions like, why is your partner jealous?
What do you do that makes him or her jealous, and could your behaviour sometimes incite their jealousy?
Before you place total blame on your partner being toxic, examine the possible causes.
The problem: Your mate is jealous because you are beautiful which draws attention from other people which in turn makes him jealous.
Our Solution: Try to be as attentive and as timely as possible, why?
…because being attentive and timely will stop him from creating negative thoughts in his head.
Example: You are at a party and meet a few handsome friends from work.
Solution: Call your mate over ASAP and introduce your mate to your workmates.
With this technique, you have stopped your partner from boiling things up in his or her head.
The worst thing is having knowledge that your loved one is jealous and leaving him/her sitting there hanging.
We hope we have helped you to give things a second thought by reshaping your thinking to resolve the many toxic issues that can be settled.
How to Leave a Toxic Relationship
Our honest professional answer is: We unfortunately can’t give this advice without knowing your unique problems.
Relationships are complex and anyone that provides a quick answer is making an uninformed guess.
Letting go of a toxic relationship runs deep and could well involve children, finances, plus years together make it an extra challenge all mixed up with beautiful memories all for a quick answer.
We’ve counseled relationships who have gone through terrible circumstances offering quality advice to overcome a breakup.
However, if breaking up is inevitable, after some time when you are healed and ready to date again, we have a fantastic site worth introducing you to.
This top-ranking site is well known as “Friends With Benefits”
The Benefits of Friends With Benefits
Not all dating sites are created equal, but as you can see through this article, we are solution-oriented, so the name friends with benefits pretty much sum things up.
- You will obtain a good response out of your search, finding the type of person that you desire.
- Discover thousands of females to hook up with.
- You will not waste time.
The friends with benefits platform is strategically customised to serve it’s users from every possible angle.
For instance, if you are shy, doubtful, or rusty in the dating game, we got you covered!
How Friends With Benefits Work
Simply sign up to meet thousands of available women of all types and ages.
Once you join, you’ll be asked to construct a simple profile with a picture and description.
This information will go through the friends with benefits algorithm that’ll start the process to pair you up with the type of girls that you desire, so make sure to be as specific as possible with info such as:
- What kind of a partnership?
- Do you want a sex buddy?
- Or maybe make new friends and see how things go?
- Do you wish to fulfill fantasies?
- Are you married and looking to add an additional partner?
Whether you wish to stay single or get married, friends with benefits is loaded with girls!
Just make sure that you have enough energy because when friends with benefits put you onto the market, your inbox will be flooded with girls approaching you from left, right and centre.
Finally, upon meeting as many women as you desire, you’ll strike a conversation, flirt instantly because it’s a dating site, and then it’s up to you and her if and when to meet.
It’s that simple.
Join the movement
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