You met your partner in crime, and It’s the best intimate relationship ever, you live together, and all is dandy, but suddenly, things have been going wrong.
Your partner takes drugs, what the hell?
We are here to help you, but first:
An important announcement
💡 The Blog of Friends-with-benefits explores serious and useful topics related to relationships, offering valuable insights.
⚠️ However, addiction is a complex and sensitive issue.
📚 The information provided in this article serves as a guide, crafted with expertise and backed by documented primary sources and medical studies.
🛑 If you suspect your partner may have lost control with drugs, take what you learn here as a foundation and seek professional help for proper support.
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Curious Boys And Girls
💭 To take an addictive substance for the first time, several factors often come into play:
🤔 Curiosity: A natural desire to explore or experience something new.
🫂 To fit in or seem grown-up: Seeking acceptance or trying to appear mature in social circles.
🚪 To escape, rebel, or cope with life’s challenges: Turning to substances as a way to deal with problems or assert independence.
🔗 These factors may happen individually or all at once, increasing the likelihood of addiction, depending on the substance involved.
⚠️ Entering the escape or rebel stage is a significant red flag. It often leads to deeper issues and greater risks of dependency.
🛑 Regardless of how you view addiction—whether as a weakness, affliction, or disease—it’s too critical to focus on semantics. What matters is recognizing its seriousness and addressing it with the proper support.g to use the word “addict” for all substances, including alcohol etc.
Things to do if your partner is hooked
💔 Discovering that your partner has a substance abuse problem is one of life’s toughest challenges, bringing significant turmoil and pain.
😞 Living with someone struggling with addiction can feel like a nightmare. An addict often prioritizes their “fix” over everything else, leading to:
- 🛑 Neglected obligations
- 🤥 Lying and stealing
- 📉 Irresponsibility and job loss
- 🕳️ Emotional absence as a partner, parent, or friend
💭 Perceptions of addiction: Many view addicts as “wasted” individuals rather than people suffering from an illness. Unfortunately, when addicts see themselves as failures, the chance of recovery becomes slim.
💔 Addiction overpowers love, not because the addict doesn’t care, but because the substance takes control of their life and choices.
💡 Here are helpful tips to support someone with an addiction problem, empowering you to navigate this challenging situation.
1. Accept That You Are In A Toxic Relationship, Literally
😨 Discovering that your partner takes drugs can be a shocking and emotional experience. The wave of negative feelings that follows is inevitable but can often be counterproductive.
🤔 Denial plays a significant role—sometimes affecting both the addict and their partner. This shared denial creates a major setback in addressing the problem.
🛡️ Why deny such a thing? Denial acts as a psychological self-defense mechanism, where the brain tries to “turn off” the harsh reality or paint a more comforting picture.
💭 Self-deception is common, but it’s crucial to overcome it. Recognizing and acknowledging the issue is the first step toward resolution.
🚩 The reality is often clear: Deep down, there is knowledge that a problem exists, but denial delays taking action, postponing the necessary steps to face and address the addiction.
💬 Denial often sounds like this:
- “I’m okay.”
- “I can stop whenever I want.”
- “I don’t drink every single day.”
- “If you had my life, you’d take drugs too.”
🤔 Understanding the addict’s behavior is key:
Only a person struggling with an illness can lie, cheat, steal, and hurt themselves and others to such an extent. But beneath the addiction, they still care for you—their love is overshadowed by the grip of their dependency.
💭 When in doubt, remind yourself of who they were before addiction took over. Recall the good times and the qualities that made you love them.
⚠️ However, addiction thrives on manipulation and self-centeredness, making it hard to see the truth clearly. It’s crucial to acknowledge these behaviors without letting them cloud your judgment about the person underneath.
Hopefully after reading this article, you will gain a moment of clarity.
2. Don’t Face Him, But Rather His Problem
🚫 Harsh debates and showing disappointment won’t help an addict recover—in fact, they can often make things worse by fueling their need to use.
🕸️ Caught in a web: The addict may promise to stop, but the power of addiction often leads them back to the same destructive patterns—lying, stealing, and cheating—not out of malice, but as a byproduct of their dependency.
⏳ Recovery doesn’t come from external pressure: An addict doesn’t solve their problem simply because someone tells them to. True recovery begins when they hit their personal “bottom.”
⚠️ What is “hitting bottom”? For some, it’s a severe consequence like jail, illness, or institutionalization. For others, it comes from losses or life-altering inconveniences.
🎯 The key is to raise their bottom: Help them recognize the chaos and destruction in their life before they face more extreme consequences. This clarity can motivate change.
💡 A paradox of addiction: Even when addicts understand their situation and articulate the problem and solution logically, they often remain trapped in the cycle. Addiction overrides their ability to regain full control of their actions.
🔗 A recovering addict’s perspective: Many admit that, had they continued, they would not have survived. The mind-boggling nature of addiction is that it makes perfect sense to the addict, even as they continue down a self-destructive path.
💔 The disease grips the brain: While their words might be convincing, their control is compromised, making this struggle as emotional as it is logical.
3. Do Not Consume With Your Partner
🚨 Avoid partying with your partner if they struggle with addiction—this is critical for both of your well-being.
💭 It might seem like consuming with them could help them control their usage or keep it “under supervision,” but this belief is both false and dangerous:
- ❌ False: Addiction is a disease, and no amount of personal influence can “manage” it. An addict’s consumption is dictated by their level of dependence, not by external circumstances or agreements.
- ⚠️ Dangerous: Using substances yourself in an attempt to bond or “help” will not only fail but could also lead to your own downward spiral, potentially ruining you faster than them.
💡 Protect yourself first: If your partner refuses to seek professional help and pressures you to join in their usage, it’s time to make a difficult but necessary decision. Breaking up in such a situation isn’t abandoning them—it’s creating an environment where they might finally confront the need for change.
💪 Remember, addiction is a battle that often requires professional support, and stepping away from enabling behaviors could be the wake-up call they need. By prioritizing your own health and stability, you’re setting an example of strength and resilience—and creating space for them to take responsibility for their recovery.
4. Do Not Dramatize, Be Practical
😢 Crying, shouting, or dramatizing an addict’s behavior is a natural reaction, but it rarely helps and can even worsen the situation by fueling their addiction.
📚 Educate yourself about their addiction: Different substances—marijuana, tobacco, alcohol, cocaine, etc.—pose distinct challenges and require specific approaches to address effectively.
💡 Consider this: Addictions like tobacco or alcohol are often socially accepted, even though they cause immense harm:
- 🚬 Tobacco: The leading cause of preventable deaths worldwide, yet its devastating impact, such as lung cancer, is often seen as “normal.”
- 🍷 Alcohol: Adds another layer of complexity by deeply affecting families and relationships, making it harder to overlook.
🔍 Why knowledge is key: Understanding the unique challenges of your partner’s addiction can help you approach the situation with greater clarity and effectiveness.
💪 Be informed and prepared: Tackling addiction requires awareness, compassion, and action tailored to the specific substance and its effects. By staying informed, you can better navigate this difficult path and offer meaningful support.
5. Don’t Think That You Can Solve It Alone
🌡️ As addiction progresses, the problem becomes increasingly difficult to address, pushing the relationship to its boiling point. This creates a massive challenge for both the addict and their partner.
🤔 How do you convince an addict they have a problem?
This age-old question is tough to answer, but addiction experts offer some valuable insights:
💡 Awareness is key: Often, the greatest discomfort in the relationship arises from focusing on the addict as a person, rather than on the addiction as a disease. This misplaced focus can lead to frustration and misunderstandings.
🚫 The cycle of self-help and broken promises: Many addicts attempt self-help methods or make promises to quit, only to fail repeatedly. These repeated failures add to their sense of defeat and the partner’s feelings of hopelessness.
💔 The pain of powerlessness: For the non-user, watching their partner succumb to addiction day by day is heartbreaking. Much of this pain stems from the inability to stop the destructive cycle.
💪 A reminder: Convincing an addict to acknowledge their problem often requires patience, compassion, and professional guidance. It’s a painful process, but addressing the addiction directly—not just the behavior—can create a path toward hope and healing.
6. Attend Group Therapy – Psychiatrist – Al Anon
🌍 Seeking support through group therapy or professional help, like Al-Anon or a psychiatrist, can make a significant difference in addressing addiction and its deeper roots.
💭 The real problem isn’t just the substance—drugs, alcohol, or otherwise—it’s often a deeper, underlying issue.
👥 Why group therapy works:
- 🤝 Shared experience: You’ll be surrounded by people who’ve been in your shoes and successfully navigated out of the same struggles you’re facing now.
- 💬 Safe expression: Share your concerns without fear of judgment in a supportive environment where everyone understands.
- 🌟 New perspectives: Gain valuable advice and fresh ways of thinking to help manage suffering and approach the issue constructively.
🧠 Types of therapeutic help available worldwide:
- 🧩 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps identify and change negative thought patterns.
- 🌊 Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT): Focuses on emotional regulation and mindfulness.
- 🌐 Interpersonal Therapy: Improves communication and relationships.
- 🧘 Mindfulness-Based Therapies: Encourages present-moment awareness and stress reduction.
- 🔍 Psychodynamic Therapy: Explores deep-seated emotional issues.
- 👥 Group Therapy: Builds community and shared understanding.
- ❤️ Emotion-Focused Therapy: Strengthens emotional connections.
- 🏡 Family Therapy: Addresses family dynamics to foster a healthier environment.
💡 Professional help and peer support groups like Al-Anon can guide you through this journey, offering practical tools and emotional relief to help you regain control and find hope in challenging times. 🌟
📞 You don’t need to see a GP first to seek help—simply inquire about your situation, and you’ll be directed to the right support.
🚩 If the addict doesn’t admit to having a problem, there’s little that can be done to help them. This often means they haven’t hit their personal “bottom” yet. However, this shouldn’t prevent you from seeking the help you need.
💔 The non-user suffers too: To protect your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being, you may face a critical decision—to leave the relationship. This step can be life-changing and should be taken with the proper support to ensure your safety and stability.
🤝 Why choose Al-Anon?
- 📱 24/7 support: With access to a network of phone numbers, you’ll always have someone to guide and support you, no matter the time of day.
- 🌟 Empathy and understanding: You’ll connect with people who truly understand your struggles and can offer practical advice.
💡 Your well-being matters: Taking steps to prioritize your health and safety is a courageous and necessary decision, and there’s always help available to ensure you don’t face this journey alone. 🌟
7. You Have To Let Go
💔 Western culture has often distorted our understanding of love, embedding ideas like the “soul mate” concept into our collective consciousness. But what does that mean when the wife of an addict is nearly homeless?
⚠️ Let’s be clear: Addiction destroys lives, leaving families in turmoil and children without parents. Romanticizing the idea of a “soul mate” in such situations is not just unhelpful—it’s harmful.
✨ You do NOT need anyone to complete you. While seeing two grandparents holding hands on the street may seem like a testament to love, it’s more about years of commitment, faith, compromise, respect, and trust—not a mystical “soul mate” connection.
💡 The most important thing in your life is you! Love is an overused word, and it cannot fix the problems of life. Only action can create change, and when action is taken, love may follow.
💪 Tough love is sometimes necessary: After trying everything to help an addict, the most loving thing you can do may be to walk away.
- 🔗 To you, it’s tough love; to the addict, it may feel like abandonment or cruelty—until they wake up.
- 🎖️ Many recovering addicts with years of sobriety admit that being thrown out, denied bail, or even facing divorce was the turning point that saved their lives.
💔 Truly loving someone has no place in the cycle of addiction. If love alone could fix addiction, the addict would already be on their feet—and you wouldn’t be here reading this article.
🌟 Love without action is powerless, but action can pave the way for true healing and growth.
8. Don’t fall Into The Vicious Cycle
🛡️ An addict in recovery understands the importance of avoiding triggers to maintain their sobriety. If you’re separated and see they’re “clean” and progressing in life but asking to return home too soon, take time to evaluate the situation carefully.
🤔 Key questions to consider:
- Is the addict truly under professional care or attending AA meetings?
- If not, the likelihood of a relapse is high.
💡 Best approach: If you’re feeling unsure, consider dating cautiously and observing their progress over time.
👥 Turn to support: If you’re already in recovery, these decisions shouldn’t be made alone—seek advice from your sponsor or support group who knows your situation.
🗣️ What a recovering addict might say: A genuinely committed addict in recovery may admit, “Sorry, I need to take care of myself first,” and choose not to return home just yet. While this might seem cold, it’s a sign of responsibility and should be respected.
🛠️ Rebuilding a life:
- A recovering addict must undergo a complete psychological transformation to build a new, sober life.
- Healing involves regaining the tools to resist the first drink or drug and to establish long-term stability.
🤝 The relationship can resume: But only if both partners are committed to recovery. The work doesn’t stop once the addict stops using—it’s a lifelong journey.
💔 If it ends: Building a new life will be challenging, but clarity and healing will come with time. No matter the outcome, remember that recovery is about growth for both individuals, whether together or apart. 🌟
Why is this article in the blog of Friends-with-benefits?
💡 Addiction and relationships are intertwined, and addressing such issues is essential for building meaningful connections. At Friends-with-benefits, we’re not just about dating tips—we’re about helping you find that special someone and creating a happy, fulfilling life together.
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